I think I’m in danger of getting myself in hot water after saying my family members are quirky. Let me explain what I meant so that it’s clear. Not all my family follow the standard route and that’s a good role model for me.
Take my great grandad George who died before I was born. He was quite damaged emotionally because he saw his mother and two sisters killed by a direct hit on the house by a bomb. He was deaf and had bouts of depression too. He met my great grandmother Winefrede soon after. She was not German but apparently the priest that baptised her was and spelt her name the germanic way. She had a physical disability due to childhood tuberculosis and spent her childhood strapped down and had little schooling. She was very bubbly and positive about life. What a mixture to have in a marriage! He apparently adored her and they built a good life together. He developed a very successful business which put my grandmother and great uncle through private school. When I listen to stories about my great grandparents, what comes through is great intelligence and success plus a strong focus on the family being everything. Sadly I didn’t meet them but I have had echoes of Great Grandad George in my life. He adored my mother and retired to look after her so my grandmother could work. When I was small I was aware of this man with a hat watching over my mother and there is a fey element in my family. I was about 6 years old I think and I told my mother later. She showed me a photo and yes it was Great Grandad George and there are no pictures of him wearing a hat. No I’m not schizophrenic, I have enough problems already. I will say more about family members next time.
I’m doing ok but still have problems with thinking I’m a good person and my grandmother and I shared our definitions of this today; hers is reasonable and forgiving whereas mine is harsh and damaging to myself. Just because a sociopath once told me that I couldn’t speak because I was bad and would never talk, I have built up a construct that supports the view that I’m bad. I know that I haven’t got any evidence of this but it’s become a core belief. So I’ve emailed people to open a debate about their perspective. I need to change my personal construct of myself as this is linked to identity. The one thing that comes through about Grandad George is that he had a strong concept of who he was and his values in life; he didn’t suffer fools gladly and had stronger beliefs on life. I have enjoyed this and looking back at how my family has overcome barriers provides inspiration for me. Until next time..